I have a pretty open relationship with my children. I managed to give birth to three sons, all of whom have an advanced sense of humor. For this, I am thankful.
Tonight, on our way home, we began discussing romance. I'm not sure how it came up, but we were discussing pickup lines. The overall consensus was that it is neither a good idea to tell a girl, "You are my density," or "You are my destiny." The first might work on a geeky woman, but the second would probably be too strong for any woman.
Other pickup lines that were deemed unacceptable among the gales of laughter:
- Uranus is bright tonight.
- I'd like to orbit Uranus.
- Do you think we'll get to see a full moon tonight?
From there, we discussed what not to say if a girl tells you, "I love you."
- Unless she is an avid Star Wars fan, "I know" is not a good response.
- Okay *
- I was not prepared for that!
- That's nice. *
- Can I get back to you on that?
Finally, I asked my children to give each other advice on girls. These were their responses.
- Don't come on too strong.
- (In response to that one) But don't take 3 years to ask her out!
- What do I know about women?
- I think I'm going to break a lot of hearts when I get married. (From the almost 10 year old)
- Don't stint on the compliments, but don't overdo it either.
- Don't tell her, "It's not the dress that makes you look fat, you're just fat."
- Just tell her the dress makes her look beautiful. It's a good way to dodge the question. Besides, she'll always be beautiful to you, so you're being honest, too.
- Always tell her she's whatever age she thinks she is.
- Don't ask her if it's her "womanly time." If it is, she'll just get more angry because her hormones are off. If its not, she'll get mad that you think she's moody. There's just no way to come out of that conversation with your head.
I want it noted that except for a couple of the "I love you" responses, two of which my children have said to me at some point (the starred ones), all of these gems came from my 15, 12, and 9 year old sons. I have taught them well, right?