|The problem with being chronically ill is that you can never use the well entrance- Gabriel|
In April, when I wrote this post, I sat each member of my family down and interviewed them. I wanted to know what it was like to live with a mom and wife with chronic illness means to them. I intended to share those interviews with you, but they ended up being very personal. I decided that my children's and husband's privacy was important. There were a few things that struck me, though.
Xavier and Dominic cannot remember a time when I was not sick. That is hard for me to hear. I say "is" because it is still hard for me to think about.
In April, Gary got tired of me reacting to more and more foods each time I ate a meal or snack. Finally, he decided to put me on a juice fast, or, as we like to call it, a juice infusion. Part of my problem is that I don't uptake vitamins properly. Vitamins in pill form didn't seem to be having a huge impact. We got desperate and tried juicing.
It made a huge difference. My brain started functioning again almost immediately. It was amazing. My brain suddenly started being curious again. There were once again times I couldn't shut it up. That hadn't happened in so long. And it feels so good. In fact, it feels incredible.
Now that my brain is starting to work again, I'm working on my body. My energy levels are better, but not perfect. I don't know if I'll ever have the confidence in my body that I had before I got sick, but I'm hopeful now. I'm hopeful in a way I haven't been in a long time.
Without hope, we give up. We're scared. We don't plan or dream. I'm hopeful again, and that, more than anything else, makes me happy.